It’s our ability to think, feel and synergise that distinguishes us from other species and gives us an edge over them. The feeling bit is what really makes us human and yet most of us fail to manage our own emotions.
Most times it’s the negative ones that stress us out, not because of how they feel but because of how we deal.
In fact do we really deal? No, we don’t and hence the suffering.
Rejection or Action – Wiring
We either shut our emotions down or action on them immediately. We are either constantly fighting within ourselves not to feel them, or are too quick to surrender to them and action, for this is what we have been taught right from very early ages – either “Don’t feel angry” or “Why don’t you slap it back on him” either rejection or action, both of which are stressful.
When you bury or ignore your emotions you are actually creating tremendous amount of stress within you since feelings are very integral to being human and you are trying to block them.
“Emotions are some merciless attention seekers, you know. You ignore them they destroy you.” – Drishti Bablani
And on the other hand when you immediately action on your emotion – i.e. surrender to them – generally these actions are not well thought of and you end up creating a stressful situation as a result.
We have been doing it wrong all these years. Infact it is becoming even worse as years go by, as the society today focuses more and more on materialistic development and growth rather than emotional.
It would not be unfair to say that “We are an emotionally plagued society today and perhaps our forefathers were better equipped emotionally and ethically.
How to Deal ?
Feel the negative emotion – Control Action – Apply Belief Systems – Generate new healing thoughts – Feel more positive emotion and reduced negative emotion
One way of dealing with feelings, that consistently works for me is – let yourself feel the emotion, acknowledge what you are feeling ( jealous,anger..) accept it and tell yourself that it is ok to feel it– it is a natural response you have had. Know that there is no shame in feeling what you are feeling. Calm yourself down and help yourself lovingly accept you, along with all that you feel.
Feeling the emotion once it has developed is essential, however you must ensure that you do not dwell in that feeling too Long. So now try to pull yourself out of this emotion, one of the ways to do that is by using your own set of belief systems. Let’s take an example to understand this better :
A colleague or a peer, got a major deal signed, he is the talk of the town, everyone is praising him and his business sense. A feeling of jealousy crept into you, based on what we discussed above, you don’t stop yourself but you let yourself feel it without actioning on it though.
The second step is to pull yourself out of this feeling, to achieve this you apply your appropriate belief system – say for e.g. you have a belief system that says “We all get our due credits at the right time that life has chosen for us. What accrues to me will never miss me, and what is not meant for me will never come to me – no matter what.”
This belief will help you look at the situation with a positive outlook and in turn will trigger healing thoughts within you.
Belief systems are hence extremely valuable they keep you grounded in faith during your toughest situations.
Your thoughts essentially are responsible for your feelings, these healing thoughts will create more positive emotion towards the event that happened and hence your feeling of jealousy will subside down.
Once you master this process you will be able to come to a state where your negative emotions will lose their strength in most events.
There is only one rule with feelings – If they develop, you feel them. You let them flow. You do not control your feelings you control your actions and create new healing thoughts within you. For it is these thoughts that will eventually then mellow down your negative feelings and help you develop a more positive outlook.
The idea is just to become more mindful in how you act post an emotion surfaces up. There is no one solution that fits all but this is a methodology worth trying.