Life is full of challenges but Parenting I believe is the greatest challenge of all. It calls for a unique delicate balance between discipline and freedom, emotions and rationalism, a balance that is very difficult to find.
There is no right or wrong, there is no fixed path, there are no algorithms when dealing with humans. All you can do is try to understand your child’s uniqueness better and add in the needed unique flavour to the proven good practices.
It’s easy to follow a methodology when emotions are not in the mix, but with children being the subjects, emotions play strongest and complicate matters.
Hence it becomes imperative that we understand (and not panic )how our temperament and psychology can impact the overall development of our children – as adults.
Do not panic – its not a one time behavior but a daily reinforcement of it that leaves long term impacts.
Let’s see some adult issues and their associated childhood/upbringing problems –
Serious Indecisiveness in adults points towards the following possible underlying issues :
1. Inability to think rationally or/and
2. Lack of Self Confidence
3. Extreme intolerance for going wrong
There are high chances that such people have had a dominating parent who either would react
with servere anger or passive agression or shame upon disobedience. Such parents seek blind obedience.
Presence of a strict / dominating parent or passive agressive parent doesn’t allow children to make decisions on their own. This can lead to dangerous consequences, because children who are unable to think independently may be easily led by others.
The child is compelled to follow and does not learn the ability to think rationally, even if some do (as a natural gift) they do not have the confidence in their thinking since they never had a chance to implement their independent thinking on to something.
2. Unable to take responsibility of their actions
Adults who are unable to take responsibility of their actions, especially when things go wrong, were those children who were constantly being compared with others and had to prove their perfection rather than being accepted with their imperfections.
These children have had a parent who would react with servere anger or passive agression or shame upon failures. Or a parent who overly praised them in front of others and the child ended up having to live up to those expectations by hook or crook. The fear of shaming makes them extremely intolerant for making mistakes, but can a human stay free of mistakes ? So when they do makes mistakes they must somehow find a way to put it on someone else.
Yes we have our own personalities to deal with, but with little bit of self awareness and the understanding of the impacts our actions could have on our precious little ones, we can mould our behaviors to inculcate positive impacts on those little developing minds.
A great guideline that keeps me on track is
“Children must me taught how to think, not what to think.” – Margaret Mead