Generally Empaths are Intelligent, kind , compassionate, hard lovers, self critics, understanding, intuitive, creative, highly empathetic, sensitive yet strong, have an innate desire to help & heal others.
Yet, inspite of being intelligent and strong they always seem to be attracted to narcissists. There have been many discussions/articles that talk about this fatal attraction and its whys and hows. Most of them discuss how narcissists try to manipulate an empath into having a relationship. But today we will examine this issue from a slightly different angel. In my view its not just a manipulatively created attraction from one side, but both sides experience a natural pull. Let us view this pull from within both the empaths and narcissists mind.
4 principles that work behind the infamous Empath-Narcissist attraction
1. The more you understand someone the more you fall in love with them and similarly there is no greater feeling than the feeling of being understood and accepted just as you are.
An empath is gifted with the special ability of understanding others from their perspective, seeing the reasoning and drivers that make them behave in a certain way and empathizing with them.
The narcissist are also very intelligent complex minds, but they have a self-centered view of life, hence very few people go deeper into their psychology to understand them and see the little light of humanity still left in them, which hides behind their narcissism. An empaths eye sees straight that, much faster than you can imagine, this is extremely attractive for the narcissist, because this gives him/her the satisfaction of being understood and accepted as is.
Whereas for the empath finding this child sitting behind the angry monster is like finding gold, this is extremely attractive for an empath. They want to save this child and bring him out, they fall in love with this child.
2. Emotional intensity
An empaths high comes from emotionally intense situations, that’s where an empath gives away his/her heart and narcissists are experts in just that – they create such emotionally intense situations naturally, using drama, emotional games and vulnerability.
On the other hand having someone so emotionally into them is something that is a big high for a narcissist, it gives them the desired ego boost. Hence, the self-sacrificing love of an empath is something that is greatly sought by the narcissist.
As an empath starts to know a narcissist (who are quiet intelligent especially emotionally – only that he/she uses this intelligence negatively), whose mind is pretty complex and this complexity intrigues the empath. Understanding the narcissist moves gives the empath a great sense of satisfaction. This gives them the mental kick which is quiet addictive.
4. A strange familiarity
Empaths and narcissist are both similar in being sensitive and highly emotionally intelligent – however the difference being with each damage the narcissist kills the sensitivity and turns hard and bitter.
However empaths through all this still keep their core alive, they do not let their belief in human goodness die. This is attributed to their strong belief system that has empathy and compassion deep rooted, this makes them extremely forgiving.
Hence the empath finds familiarity in the narcissist, they feel and understand the pain that the narcissist went through before he/she turned into what they are today, and so feels extremely compelled to wanting to heal that hurt away from them and bring back the sensitive beautiful person hidden behind.
Due to these 4 basic principles of attraction between narcissist and empaths, more often than not empaths end up in such relationships, although their intention is good – to save the little light left in someone, heal them with the unconditional love that they feel for them. But execution often fails.
I don’t say the aim is not achievable, this can be achieved, but only if done as a healer or therapist and not as a lover or partner who will have expectations of reciprocation of love from the narcissist, which the narcissist will fail to fulfill as desired.
Just to clarify here – this does not go to say that narcissist do not love the other, just that there is a vast difference between an emapths self-sacrificing love and the narcissists self-absorbing love.
So if you are an empath or a highly sensitive person and find yourself strongly attracted to a narcissist, I understand the feelings are intense and emotionally very compelling but don’t give in, remember you deserve someone who feels your pain, you deserve someone who gives you as much as you give others. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself to save others. You know this is going to be a give only relationship and such relationships can never make you happy.
“But darling, you got to understand, even if you can feel all you cannot heal all.” – Wordions