We are all humans striving to be perfect with all our imperfections, and in this struggle there are times when our faults take over and we end up – somehow, hurting those who love us and breaking their trust.
If a relationship has lost trust, it’s lost its soul and then it becomes meaningless. So now, if this relationship has to survive, it’s empirical to mend the trust issue.
They say “Trust is like a paper, crumple it and it will never go back to being what it was before.” True in a way, but when the intention is love miracles happen. With time broken trust can be mended, but you must realise that your relationship is now very delicate, and needs a lot of care, honesty, effort and nurturing. So step in, only if you are committed to making this work.
Let us look at 7 ways to rebuild trust in a relationship once it’s broken :
1. Communicate openly – Break the ice – Take The First Step.
Many a times in such situations people tend to shut down and hence communication cuts off. Take the first step, nothing can resolve without communication. Only when the doors to communicate open up, things can move further in the right direction.
2. Accept : No matter how bad it was, Accept The Truth
Denial worsens the situation, acceptance helps heal. Acceptance also assures that you are willing to resolve the situation, and that you know it was a mistake. Don’t just stop at acceptance but walk the next mile and try to resolve the underlying cause of the previous issue. Fix it at the root.
3. Do not discount the power of one smallest act of betrayal and the impact it could have on the receiver – Do Not Get Casual Or Defensive.
Never question someone’s hurt state, by saying stuff like “You are unnecessarily making fuss out of a small thing, it was nothing”
When a person is hurt, they are hurt. Period. You don’t get to decide whether they should or not. The task in hand now is to resolve the situation rather than questioning the, strength of the reason that caused the hurt.
The situation demands your compassion not question.
4. Support the healing process. Wait Patiently.
You cannot decide the pace at which someone heals. Everyone has different levels of sensitivities and seemingly smaller things may impact some others in a big way. So don’t pressurise them not to feel what they feel. Just be there as a support.
5. Together come up with a plan of action to address the underlying root cause that allowed the miss-conduct to creep in. – Stick To The Plan.
This will be a huge step towards ensuring that the behaviour is not repeated in future. This will also demonstrate your commitment to the relationship via action. Remember best apology is changed behavior.
6. Bring back the memories of good times together.
This can do a great deal in bringing back the love and the lost trust.
“The human brain is fascinating; we will forget a scent until we smell it again, we will erase a voice from our memory until we hear it again, and even emotions that seemed buried forever will be awakened when we return to the same place.” (Paulo Coelho)
7. Top up with some Loving gestures – non-physical and physical
You can do a variety of those, just get creative:
a) A random call saying ” I have been missing you.Let’s catch up for lunch.”
b) A small token/gift that you just randomly bought because you thought they would love it.
c) A dish that you cooked specifically for them because they love it.
d) A random card, note or message just to say I have been thinking of you.
Physical : (Be cautious do not force these if the other person is not ready yet)
The choice of action could vary depending on the relationship, just choose whatever fits :
A little tight and little long to say “I missed you”.
Cuddle and Hugs can be best relievers of anxiety.
c) Holding Hands
d) Sitting close
e) Kissing and Sexual intimacy
And amongst all this do not get too hard on yourself, take good self care and don’t fall into the guilt trap. Forgive yourself.
Always remember, Any relationship that’s Real will not be Perfect, but if you are willing to work at it and open up, it could be everything you have ever dreamed of.